It’s vulnerability and the capacity to provide for and protect others$^1$.
Withheld capacity indicates scarcity/fragility
like ‘
Hey you’re cute, we should grab coffee
No vulnerability here; arrogant not confident
‘you’re cute’
hides the self
obscures subjectivity
‘we should grab coffee’
makes rejection uncomfortable by requiring contradiction
forces politeness
Instead
I find you attractive, would you be open to grabbing coffee?